Humping the Couch

2005-08-12T05:01:00.000-07:00

It doesn't get any better than this: Tom Cruise Kills Oprah

2005-07-28T08:27:00.000-07:00

Anyone seen "Rock Star INXS"?

Dave Navarro has TOTALLY humped the couch big time.

2005-06-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

2005-06-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

Another opinion about the phenomenon

"Enough news about Tom Cruise. If we already didn't know he was a bad actor, we sure do now that he is supposedly dating Katie Holmes (who is she anyway?). He is like a boy crying wolf, except he's a man crying 'straight!' He can't even fool himself, so how is he going to fool the rest of the world?" (Metro, Boston, June 27, 2005)

2005-06-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

Here's the first half of TomKat wielding his evil force unto Oprah:

2005-06-22T16:39:00.000-07:00

"When someone or something humps the couch they are not merely attempting to save themselves from obscurity or declining ratings, they are not becoming something they weren't. Oh no, humping the couch is performing something they never were, or maybe something they believe they should have been, or just maybe, something they believe they should be now."

Well said, traumatizedbyoprah, well said. "Trista and Ryan's Wedding", which aired at the end of last year, most definitely humped the couch. Trista Rehn, a reject from the television show "The Bachelor", got her own show, predictably called "The Bachelorette", and ended up choosing Ryan Sutter (as the winner?), the guy that was the least likely candidate to win her heart. But the network could not let it go at that. Oh, no. They had to develop a show infinitely more predictable and painful, and call it -- yup, you guessed it, say it with me -- "Trista and Ryan's Wedding". Every last painful detail about the wedding and the events leading up to it, and of course, the exchange of vows complete with a sun-kissed priest who looked more porn than pious, were exposed (no pun intended). It was just barfy. I blame it all on Trista. She was not happy with being a dancer for the Miami heat. She wanted more. She paved the way for her and that Ryan to hump the couch.

Did I mention that ABC gave the couple one million dollars for the rights to air their wedding in exchange for the producer of the show being able to have the final word on all decisions related to it?

2005-06-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

Humping the couch is not jumping the shark - that well-chronicled cultural phenomenon of a faltering TV show making a desperate move to save its ass. While it may sound similar, humping the couch is quite different. Dare I say, it's more complex - perhaps a post-modern version of the familiar shark jump. When someone or something humps the couch they are not merely attempting to save themselves from obscurity or declining ratings, they are not becoming something they weren't. Oh no, humping the couch is performing something they never were, or maybe something they believe they should have been, or just maybe, something they believe they should be now. This might be, as I suspect is the case with Tom, based on a publicist' suggestion, or it could simply be an unconscious self-consciousness that plagues college freshman throughout the world. Whatever causes it, it is important that we begin to label this as the pathology it's become. People and things are humping the couch everywhere - in your city, in your town, maybe, just maybe, in your living room. Leave no stone unturned.

2005-06-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

Ok. This might be too simplistic. But so you get the point: Donald Trump humped the couch during the finale of season 3. Without Regis there to pinch hit for him, he was left alone to play himself on live TV. And by god, he was atrocious. It's too bad Tom hadn't dry humped the couch yet, because I had no words to describe what he was doing. Now I can look back on what seems ancient history and make a little sense of a Donald gone mad.